Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Behind the Lashes is produced by CMJW Entertainment. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of behind the Lashes. Once again, I'm so blessed and honored to be able to have this podcast, to be able to be real and raw and authentic. And I hope everybody's doing well. Hopefully we're coming out of the winter season and feeling better and being more healthy today. I am so excited to have my very first guest on behind the Lashes. She's a very good friend of mine and just a wonderful, wonderful testimony to how you can overcome addiction and overcome it, looking back on it and making sense out of it, I think, if you will, but also finding faith in that journey. So today I welcome my beautiful friend, Carol Nelson.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: Hi, Jamie. And it's been. It's an honor to be asked by you to come on the show.
[00:01:05] Speaker A: On the show. On the show.
All right. Well, Carol, I know talking about this. We've talked about this in. In my office. We've talked about this as sisters in Christ in. In a church atmosphere. We've talked about it in your living room, in the car, pretty much everywhere we can.
Carol has. As a mental health coach, you have helped me so much to understand what addiction is and how an addict's mind does not work, like my mind or someone who doesn't struggle with addiction.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: So.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: So first and foremost, thank you for that.
But we're going to just chat and I'm going to ask you some questions, Carol, that I'm sure we've chatted about before. But again, the goal is to help people understand addiction and also how we can interlock faith with that, because faith is a big part of it.
So, Carol, I want to ask you, your addiction was what. What was your addiction? What was your choice?
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Well, my drug of choice was alcohol. However, I did have a few years that drugs were involved in that, too, which is a recipe for disaster.
And I've had such a long journey if I didn't have the faith and the miracles.
You always call me a miracle, and I realize that just being alive right now is a miracle.
But my journey with alcohol has been a long one, a long journey.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: Would you say, Carol, that this started Was alcohol first or the drug part of it? Or was it something you combined and then just stuck with the alcohol as time went on? And did it start earlier in your life?
[00:03:09] Speaker B: No, alcohol didn't start. I mean, possibly as a teenager, I think I picked up one time, you know, I think I had a gin and tonic because I saw my mother drinking them and I didn't grow up in a home where there was alcohol, or I shouldn't say alcohol there. My parents did entertain a lot, but my mother, my father were not alcoholics. Yet I have three brothers. And of my three brothers, two of them were alcoholics and one lost his life to alcohol, drugs.
But really I.
And combined being an addict plus OCD is a recipe for an accident too.
I would say in honesty, what happened is after I had my son, I. Is when I was worried about gaining so much weight. So I went to the doctor and he put me on weight medicine, which is speed. Right.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: Back then, that's. That's exactly what it was.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: And to lose weight. And then my husband at that time was very. We, you know, our house was party central and there was always a lot of alcohol. But at that time I really wasn't all that interested.
But so here I was on this weight loss medicine.
And when I started drinking, it was not a good situation. But really my primary love was alcohol. And alcohol became more dominant and the weight loss medicines went aside. However, before that went aside, when the doctor couldn't prescribe that to me anymore, I did go to the street for crystal meth.
[00:05:01] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:05:02] Speaker B: Which. That is deadly right there.
And when that fell wayside, the alcohol took a big part in my life. And between that combination was the beginning of the end for me.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: How many years ago was that?
[00:05:20] Speaker B: I believe I would say that pattern started about 23 years old. I think my son was about 2. And it was when 29 when I realized that I couldn't do that life anymore. But it progressed. It was horrible. I was driving drunk.
Really, I was a mess and with a young child. So, I mean, that's pretty sad in itself.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: Would you say it was on and off? Were there years that you were sober and then you would pick up again? Or were you a functioning. Can I say the word alcoholic?
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: Is that okay to say? So you were a functioning alcoholic with a son and you also had a prominent job.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: You were. No, not at that time. Okay, not at that time.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: But during the alcoholism, yes. You were employed at a very good job, I might add.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: Now this was. This was all when my son was very young, and then it was when I was 29 years old, just totally a mess. But what I was doing in those years is just driving drunk. I mean, really, I had my son with babysitters more than I was taking care of him so I could go to a bar and drink and so I could have fun.
And it was a recipe for disaster. And finally, finally, after all Those years, and I was a mess. I didn't know whether I was coming or going. And the things I was doing was horrible, absolutely horrible.
And one day, one night, I kept thinking all night long, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. And I. On that morning, I got on my knees and I prayed and I said, God, please, please, I can't live one more day like this. I just can't do it.
And that's when my first miracle happened. I was totally, totally relieved from the alcohol.
And normally for any alcohol, you know, the first thing you're looking for is a drink or a drug. First thing in the morning, okay, well, I got a miracle instead of that, and that was certainly better. But now when you think about a person who has been doing drugs and alcohol for so long, and then all of a sudden you don't have that craving, what do you do with yourself?
[00:07:55] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:07:56] Speaker B: So I actually turned to God and said, what am I supposed to do?
And I know for someone who's never heard this before, will probably think maybe she was a little crazy, but I was to go to the bookstore. So the biggest drunk in town is going to the bookstore and asking for a Bible.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Wow. Wow. Well, now you had some free time.
[00:08:18] Speaker B: Yeah, right.
And I get home and had some free time. This is great. I got the Bible. What am I supposed to do with it? And sure enough, the Bible opened up to exactly what I was supposed to read.
And what happened in that next 24 hours is really, it truly was a miracle. Every step of the way. Within a 24 hour period of time, a neighbor came to the door, asked me over for coffee.
I saw a church flyer on her table and I said, gee, I used to go to church. And she said, oh, good, come to church with me. I said, no, I can't go to church. No, I cannot do that.
But I used to go to church all the time. I grew up in a family that went to church every Sunday and we prayed every night.
But in that period of time, the neighbor called her pastor. He came to visit me and then I told him, I can't come to church because I'm an alcoholic.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Are you not worthy? Is that how you felt?
[00:09:21] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: I thought I not worthy to walk in to those doors.
[00:09:25] Speaker B: And he said, well, I know just the right person that can help you.
And a lady came up my stairs, a little lady by the name Carol.
Little Carol.
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Little Carol. Little Carols all over.
[00:09:39] Speaker B: Really? Really.
She was lifesaver. And so I was in Church. I was in aa. And it was a miracle. However, it was.
My recovery from the damage I have done was very slow. I mean, this. This woman, God bless her, she's no longer here, but she had to.
This is how poorly I. I couldn't make a decision what to wear, so she'd have to line up my outfits for me to. What to wear. And it was.
It was a long journey, but well worth.
[00:10:21] Speaker A: Well worth it. So that sounds like that was your first real turning point.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Right?
[00:10:27] Speaker A: And. And then this. This I always believe. I mean, I. I've never had an addiction except to probably potato chips and, I don't know, water. But I. And, And I. I don't even say that to be condescending, because I know there are times in my life when I feel like I need something.
I. I can't imagine, you know, I crave something and I have to have it. I go get it. I can't imagine what it feels like to have that craving for something that, you know, is really doing harm to you.
So, as you continue, I want to ask a question. What is it? What is the inner feeling of having an addiction? What is that inner. Is it just turmoil constantly, or are you numb?
[00:11:19] Speaker B: No, I think it's more you want, you want, you want. Okay, okay. And I even think there's stages of when an addiction has its hold on you. Okay? You start with enjoying.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: Then you want it, Then you need it.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:11:35] Speaker B: And when it crosses into the physical addiction, okay, it's when you're a hot mess because you need that, whatever that drug is. And for me, it was alcohol.
But I mean, really, people can be addicted to shopping. Yes. Be addicted to. I mean, there's a million.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: And. And I. That is one thing. I was going to say different people have different addictions. Drug addiction, alcohol addiction, food addiction, shopping, binge watching, if you will, social media. Is it the same brain, Carol?
[00:12:11] Speaker B: Is it that same brain? Interesting. And I think, you know, growing up, I was always the why kid. You know, I was probably the one that would say, why is the sky blue?
And of course, with years of.
I've always wanted to know an answer. And I did find a book that was very valuable as far as teaching me things. And it's Dr. Daniel Amen. And he is a psychiatrist, but he studies the brain.
And I just wrote a note here about what he said about addiction, because this is answering what you're talking about. Addicted brains work differently, okay? Brain dysfunction is the number one reason why people fall victim to addiction. The brain plays A central role in your vulnerability to addictive disorders and your ability to recover from and avoid harmful behaviors.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: Wow. That's. That's.
Yeah, because I've always wondered. Because for me, addiction is. Addiction is addiction.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: And. And you taught me that. You know, you taught me that when in mental health coaching. I deal with a lot of people that come in that have loved ones that have addiction and they cannot understand why doesn't that person think like we do? Why don't they just get up and go to recovery? Why don't they. Why do they keep driving down the dead end road and. And there's no way out? But you really taught me the ins and outs of what it means to have an addictive mind. Also with the OCD on top of. So you were double punched. You were double punched.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: And most addictive people are. And the thing, the thing with addiction is I'm an addictive person.
So, I mean, just for example, at Christmas, I go Christmas shopping and I'll buy all these things. I get them home and I'm like, well, you can't afford them. So then the next day I'm taking them back.
[00:14:08] Speaker A: And then they go back.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: And so sometimes, or you can go, I can get on food binges. And then I have to catch myself and say, what are you doing?
It's really an addictive personality has.
Believe me, I can be.
If I have a cookie two days in a row, the third day I'm going to want a cookie.
[00:14:30] Speaker A: You're going to want it.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's a very tricky. But the dangerous addictions, I mean, any addiction you have can be dangerous, whether it's food, cigarettes, gambling.
[00:14:41] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:14:42] Speaker B: But the physical damage that drugs and alcohol do to you is part of my story.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: What could you say was the.
I think if it's okay to say, because we're being authentic, we're going right behind Carol's lashes here.
Would I believe that your alcohol of choice was vodka? Correct.
[00:15:06] Speaker B: Well, now, back in the day, when I first got sober, it was rum.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Okay, so you graduated to vodka. And I think some of the vodka bottles are bigger than you. Yes, but, you know, again, with an addiction, it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. I think all bets are off. Correct.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Because when you're into that physical part of it.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: More, more, more.
[00:15:28] Speaker A: What would you say was the.
The lowest point that you got to.
With the whole addiction from start to finish? What was the. And I hate to say this word, but what was the worst of the worst?
[00:15:45] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'm Just going to back step just a little bit. So after my miracle first recovery, which truly was a miracle, and I had 25 years of sobriety.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:15:58] Speaker B: But back then, I mean, the miracles that were happening. I mean, so much has happened in that marriage dissolved.
But every step of the way, God was with me. I got a job. I was getting divorced, so I needed a job. I got a job. And through that first job, my career went on and on and on.
And I moved to Florida and.
[00:16:28] Speaker A: And now she's back in New York.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Yeah. And in my. We're blessed that after 25 years of my sobriety, what I did accomplish is getting myself back together, a good job.
But I also had tragedies. I got divorced not once, but twice.
I lost my brother to addiction. Yes.
My family.
I went to visit my family in Florida, and we were hit by a drunk driver. And my mother, father, and brother died. And I'm the survivor.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Carol was the only survivor.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: That was another miracle when at the accident scene, nobody could figure out how I got out of the car. I know when he choked came and got me, but.
And I've grown in my faith. And I moved to.
Back to New York from. After being in Florida 30 years, because long after my second divorce, I met a wonderful man. My life, it was. I couldn't have asked for a nicer person coming into my life, but he was taking me to a lot of really nice restaurants. And what's the first thing they do in a restaurant is come and ask, what would you like to drink?
[00:17:37] Speaker A: What would you like to drink? Absolutely. And we asked that here. But we get water. Yes.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: That's all I ask.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: We're safe here. We're safe here.
[00:17:45] Speaker B: Just one night, we're sitting in this nice restaurant on the water, and, oh, there it goes. The waitress came up and she said, can I take your drink? Water.
And my friend's name was Ron. And he said, why don't you ever have a drink? It would be good for you.
So I figured, well, I'll have. And this is how sneaky alcohol is.
I kept asking all week long at my job. I'd say to the girls, what is it? A real light wine you can drink. So they said, white C. So I said, I'll have a white C.
Well, oh, oh. Even though 25 years of sobriety, the disease of alcoholism does not go away. It restes in your body.
So I was wonderful for a couple of years. Well, but one glass of wine, two weeks later, that was two glasses of wine.
A bottle of wine and Then every week when my friend would come over to see me, he'd bring a bottle of wine for each of us, and I would buy a bottle of wine. He said, well, why do you have to buy all this wine? Well, because I have to have wine when you're not here. And then how that progressed. One night I was out with the girls, and they said, you know, liquor is quicker. Let.
I think we've heard that she had me drink, but it had vodka in it. And I said, I love this. What's in this?
[00:19:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: Well, there started the vodka. Right. And of course, that was the beginning of the Antioch in Florida. I was. Could hardly do my job. I was the supervisor of the surgical counseling. And how can you work with patients when you can't even figure out what your name is? Wow. And everything went downhill.
And this wonderful man the. Came into my life, was very sick, and he passed away. And I just couldn't handle life. It's all I wanted to do is drink. So I ended up in several hospitals, several rehab centers, and finally my son came and got me and brought me back to New York.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Brought you back here?
[00:19:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And I was doing fine until we had Covid.
[00:19:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:58] Speaker B: And Covid got me and just took me in. And that's when my downfall came.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Would you say that because of the pandemic you were. Because I know Carol and I know.
I know regimen is very good for you. It works for you. And I think all the things, including your AA meetings, everything was taken away. The gym was taken away. Even going out with friends. We couldn't see each other. We couldn't go to church.
So would you say that? Is regimen an important part for you? I know it is, but do you think that's an important part of recovery for anyone? And when that goes, you kind of fall back into, okay, what is it that I can do? I can order the alcohol and drink, right?
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, alcohol really, really has a stronghold on you. And it comes and it's sneaky.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: And it just kind of.
[00:20:58] Speaker A: It's a life of its own. It's like a little monster. It is, you know, a little angry. Guess that won't go away.
[00:21:04] Speaker B: Fellows in the program always says angel on one shoulder, devil on the other. Sure. Which one are you going to choose? But isolation was. Oh, because I'm a people person. I love to be around people. I. I do enjoy my alone time, but isolation, you start that loneliness. So what was open during COVID Grocery store, liquor stores, gas station, not much else.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: Yeah. All the all the. All what they think is necessity.
[00:21:33] Speaker B: And then all I thought was, well, if I just have a little bit of vodka, this will make this a lot easier.
Well, a little bit of vodka turned into, as you know, yes. The size of the large bottles of soda.
[00:21:49] Speaker A: I will say this, and I've asked Carol if I can.
Can talk a little bit about this.
And for me, as your friend, watching your.
The decline and what alcohol really did to you, because what you see here is this beautiful, wonderful, straight shooter about things, kind miracle. You really are a miracle. Because I know during COVID watching you drink and not knowing, is she alive today? Is she not alive today? You know, checking on you and not being prideful with this, but wanting to make sure she was okay. And Carol, you could not function. You could not keep your beautiful. Carol has a beautiful home. I mean, you could. It's beyond immaculate. And the holidays, we call it the little Hallmark house because it's just. I've never seen anyone's bathroom have fancy towels and fancy, fancy towels.
But to see you not be able to function and care for yourself and care for your home as your friend was heartbreaking.
And then, of course, you know, we had to have the police involved when I couldn't get in to see her and the ambulance would come. And this. This is part of addiction. We are saying this because it's a real part of addiction. It just doesn't affect the one person. It becomes a village of people trying to get you up. And you're feisty, you know, you're a little feisty thing.
But I do, I will say, I think the lowest point was when you had your heart attack.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:23:31] Speaker A: We found Carol on the floor in her apartment, and you were taken to the hospital surrounded by vodka bottles. Surrounded by vodka bottles. And. And empty, I might add. And.
And I watched you go, and I thought, God, you did it before, you can do it again. And he did. And you were purple. And that was how many years ago, Carol?
[00:23:55] Speaker B: Four years ago.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: Four years sober right here.
And. And it's yes, praise God. And Carol is.
Yeah, you're nothing short of a miracle.
You really are not. And what would you say, Carol, to people who are saying, I drink, but I'm not an alcoholic?
What is your first.
How do we get them to a place of recovery, would you say? Because I know faith is, again, not to repeat myself, but that is such an instrumental part in who you are.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: And.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: And even through all of your journey, I would say during COVID you always were surrounded by your books and your Angels and your prayers.
That was your pick me up. But there are so many people that drink and they say, well, I only drink at home, but it's an enormous amount or I'm a functioning alcoholic. What do you say to them? Are they in denial? Carol, would you say, is it a denial?
[00:25:02] Speaker B: Denial? I think it's more acceptance on realizing that they are having a problem. Okay. Actually, what very first got me knowing I had a problem years and years ago was the fact that in. At that time there were a lot of quizzes in magazines. Right.
[00:25:20] Speaker A: We're showing our age. We're showing our age.
[00:25:23] Speaker B: I showed. Yeah, I answered that 100%. So then I used to watch people going into AA meetings. They look pretty normal.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
But their appearance looks great.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: I think it's. It's something you have to come to the, to the thought process. I. This isn't right. This isn't quite right.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: Is it a battle every day, Carol? Is it a battle every day?
[00:25:48] Speaker B: Yeah. When you're drinking because you, you think, well, I'll just have one, it'll be okay. Yeah, one doesn't happen. And then when you, for me, when you progressed into where you're having the shakes without a drink, I kept thinking, well, I'll just have one and then I won't have any more. Well, that's a bottle later.
[00:26:05] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. I mean, and, and do you. I've. I've heard this from some of my clients where they'll say relapse is a part of recovery.
[00:26:13] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: What is your take on that?
[00:26:16] Speaker B: Well, I don't. Some people are fortunate enough to get in the program and stay there.
And I have to admit I was in when my first sobriety, I was in the program for five years. And then I got married and my husband, I met my second husband in aa, so we had a total drug free, alcohol free marriage.
But I can't remember for myself. I don't think I ever denied when I knew I was not fault. I mean, I knew I had a problem, but the.
Not everybody goes out and I don't know why, I don't know why I had to try it again.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: But.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: Well, I think, I mean, not knowing, but I think maybe because it does have its perks. As. As. Yeah, it does feel good.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: It.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: People. There are people that need to be numbed. They want to be numbed because again, if we go on to a whole nother topic of trauma and emotions and maybe violation of when they were growing up or we all come from something and I think you Know, alcohol and, or drugs or any addiction helps numb the pain.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Oh, yes.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: And, and yeah, and you're right. I think it's so tailored to everyone.
Everyone's addiction is tailored to whatever they've been through or whatever maybe they cannot cope with. So, Carol, how would you say physically, the alcohol affected your body? We've. We've discussed the emotional part, the, you know, the addiction part. But tell me, physically, what did it do to your body?
[00:28:03] Speaker B: Well, when you had found me that day and got me to the hospital, I had seen that alcohol is a progressive disease.
And my age, by the time I got to the hospital, first of all, I had the heart attack, but I was not able to walk.
And first, you know, I went from the hospital to rehab and I couldn't. I had to learn to walk all over again.
And then I had to. When I got home, I had to have physical therapy for several months because they had to teach me, just like a toddler child, learning how to walk. I had to learn to walk between furniture, how to learn to get in my bed.
Everything was learning all over again. I didn't know how to go up and down stairs. I was afraid to go out in the parking lot. So that was two full months of recovery physically. And it took me four months to be able to even go out of the house on my own.
And still, even with four years behind me, I still have some trouble, but from really basically crawling to learning how to walk, how to learn how to go upstairs, how to walk without holding on to something. They had to teach me how to go grocery shopping. I'd have to park as close as I could to the cart, bin, grab a cart and go. So it was really.
And there were times when I said, God, if I have to live like this, I don't want to be alive anymore. Just take me. But faithful as he is, he would give me the energy and the endurance to keep up with the physical therapy. And still amazing today. You know, I thank him every day because I truly am a miracle and blessed to have a friend like you in my life. I mean, who comes and picks you up off the kitchen floor. But you got to do what you got to do, and that's, you know, what. But it just that physical, you know, you just. Alcohol is dangerous to me, and I don't want to be near it.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: And I think some people think, well, it just will affect my liver because there's the age old, you know, the age old medical part about, well, it's your liver. It, you know, your liver which is true, of course, but what you're saying is it really breaks you down in other areas physically. I mean, you basically had to start from scratch again and.
Yeah, absolutely. And. Wow. Something we don't really. Something we don't really pay attention to.
And again, the damage. Absolutely.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Don't you remember the one day you came checking on me and I couldn't. I crawled to the door and I tried to open it and I couldn't open it?
[00:30:59] Speaker A: Oh, yes. I. And I, And I'm. I'm thankful that there are days that I came that you probably don't remember because really, we touched base on this quickly. But blackouts is a big thing with alcoholism or addiction.
You know, I've noticed that some people that have had addictions that I've even spoken to don't know how they got from point A to point B, especially behind the wheel of a car.
[00:31:25] Speaker B: Well, I'm very fortunate. I mean, because of the accident and that was caused by a drunk driver. I never ever got behind the wheel again.
[00:31:34] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: My younger years, I was driving drunk, but never. Because I never would want anyone to go through what I have to go through still to this day. It was 43 years ago and I still have nightmares. I.
It's, it's difficult to deal with, so. And a lot of people have come into AA because they don't want to kill somebody.
[00:31:53] Speaker A: Well, amen for that. What, what is, what is a blackout? How can you describe what a blackout?
[00:31:58] Speaker B: You just, you are functioning, but you have no idea if somebody could say to you the next day, oh, did you know that you bought a million dollar house? And I did.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: Did you find one, Carol? Because if you did, we're going to come.
[00:32:09] Speaker B: I mean, you really, you are functioning, but you have no idea what you're doing.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:32:15] Speaker B: We're saying.
[00:32:17] Speaker A: And that's scary.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: Yeah, that's scary.
[00:32:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So we, we want everyone who feels that they may have an addiction not to ever feel shameful again, not to let it be your true identity. You're born with a purpose. God's got you, whether you're a faith believer or not. You're still going. He's still going to be watching you and taking care of you. But there's no shame in the game just, just for you and for your sake and the sake of your loved ones get help and start living. Living that life that mean is meaningful and that you can, you know, you're blessed with. And, and you will find the right people. And, and, and we just get through it because I Know, Carol, you're in such support of so many people through AA and even people at church.
Your testimony is amazing. So now we. Now we know the physical aspects of how it can really eat you up.
[00:33:14] Speaker B: Debilitating.
[00:33:15] Speaker A: Debilitating. So thanks, Carol.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: Oh, you're welcome. Thank you.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: In closing, I want to ask you this question, and I. I kind of have this written down here. If someone is listening quietly to this podcast and they're struggling right now, what. What do you want them to hear clearly?
[00:33:35] Speaker B: Well, that there is hope. You know, don't feel hopeless. And, And I agree with you when you say, I mean, for me, I have to even think when my mind gets, like, I don't want to think about something. That's how I shut my mind off, by drinking.
So I think to feel hope and just to reach out and try to get some help. I mean, if you walk into an AA program or celebrate recovery program, people listen to what people have to say. You don't have to walk in there and say, well, I'm an alcoholic. You just can listen and talk to people. I mean, there's no shame.
[00:34:20] Speaker A: No, there's absolutely no shame.
[00:34:22] Speaker B: And by talking to people, you'll learn more.
And like I said, an addictive personality is going to jump into different things.
This is how, you know, they say alcohol is cunning, baffling, and insidious. And sometimes when you, you know that someone needs help, it's just kind of try to, you know, talk to them. Talk and tell them a little bit about your journey, and sometimes that will help them.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: And that's what you've just done for us. Quick question I forgot to ask.
Do the 12 steps really work? Are they. I mean, when I've read the 12 steps, I personally think we all should live by them. I mean, you know, they're.
[00:35:09] Speaker B: Do they.
[00:35:09] Speaker A: Do they really work in place?
[00:35:11] Speaker B: Yes, there for a reason, and they are there for a reason, because you need to go through a process to. You have to get rid of some. At first, you have to get rid of the alcohol, but then you have to believe that there's power greater than yourself to restore you to sanity, which I'm fortunate enough to have a good relationship with the Lord, and he's always giving me my sanity back. But. And remove defects of character.
Share with your, you know, your defects of character with people, and then you're on a journey, and that's very important to go through the process. But really, it's a good way of living.
[00:35:51] Speaker A: Yes, it's a great way of living. I've looked at some of those steps myself, and I've thought, wow, I, you know, I want to be accountable and I want to be more aware of giving grace to people and taking a look at myself, but also knowing good boundaries, but also, also knowing, I think, Carol, that an addiction, no matter what it is, does not.
It's not your identity. I mean, there is always so much more to you that I've seen while you were at your lowest of low. And. And I know you've helped me through so many things.
You know, you have been there for me. I couldn't wait to pick Carol up today because I. I had a kind of a chaotic, you know, couple of days. And I know with Carol, one thing that she radiates besides her recovery and her beauty and her being a sister in Christ is she is full of hope and joy and.
And I just cannot thank you enough because to be able to admit you have had this, you've to. To share this journey means so much to me, and I hope it means so much to everyone who's listening. And thank you for just being real and raw, and that's what behind the Lashes is about. So. I love you and you're. You're amazing. You are amazing.
[00:37:15] Speaker B: So help me from being my counselor to my lifesaver.
[00:37:19] Speaker A: Well, all glory to God.
So, Carol, thank you. And we will, you know, we'll have Carol on again at some point, but I just thank all of you again. God is so good, and he's blessed me with this platform and the wonderful person who helps me put this together.
And, yeah, he's giving me a thumbs up, but this is truly, truly beyond a blessing. So everyone just remember, remember to take care of what's behind your lashes. Your heart, your beauty within, and your identity. Have a blessed day.
Behind the Lashes is produced by CMJW Entertainment.
